Cooking Virgin

Virgin Voyages: Radishes

 

I'm not a picky eater, consequently I usually like the new foods I've been trying every since I started this cooking journey.  Even foods I had bad experiences with have now found a way onto my 'like' list.  Radishes have not yet been successful in making this breakthrough.

I can't say that I hate radishes, I'll eat them if I get them in my CSA share for the week.  But trying to figure out how to cook them is a chore for me.  The best recipe I managed to come up with was a version of dirty rice where I basically hid the radishes in the rice.  I couldn't taste the radishes at all and that made me very happy.

Other than that, I have cut them up to use raw in salads.  Braised them in wine, which improved the taste of the vegetable but I couldn't eat the lot of them until I covered them in creme fraiche. I'm still searching for a great recipe for radishes that I will enjoy, but I suppose there are worse things than eating dirty rice every time these appear in my CSA.

I do hope I find many uses for them because their long shelf life really make them handy to keep around.  And of course they have their own health benefits as all vegetables do.  They are definitely worth trying to find a way to incorporate them into my diet, even if I have to disguise them. I think I have just begun to learn with this vegetable.

Virgin Voyages: Celery Root

 

There are a few vegetables out there where it's hard to imagine how the first person who ate it decided it was something edible.  Celery root definitely falls into this category (thought the fact that it is attached to celery could have been a tip off).  The first time I saw celery root (or celeriac) I immediately thought of the movie Big Trouble in Little China.  

Anyone who has seen this cult classic will remember the floaty eyeball thing that spies on Kurt Russell for the bad guy.  It was basically a wrinkled floating head with a bunch of knobby areas with eyes in the middle, not exactly appetizing.  But I swear the people who designed that creature got their inspiration from celery root.

But if there's anything I've learned since trying all kinds of new vegetables, it's that good things often come in ugly packages.  The first time I cut into celery root, I knew that, despite its appearance, I had a good thing.  Think of the smell of celery times ten.  It's the only time I would describe a smell as energizing.

Celery root's appearance can also be intimidating in that it's not obvious how to 'attack' it.  I'm not sure if this is really the right way to do it, but I just peel off the outside until all traces of dirt are removed.  I wash it before beginning but with all the nooks and crannies, it's virtually impossible to just wash all the dirt off (if anyone has any tricks please let me know!).  After the root is peeled you can chop it up however you need.

 So far I've only made celery root soup (a recipe I found in How to Cook Everything).  I love this soup, so I haven't ventured past this yet.  There are a few recipes on my list to try though.  The Celery Root and Potato Latke recipe in Gourmet Today sounds wonderful as does the Celery Root Remoulade in The Art of Simple Food.  I do plan to try these, but if you get to it first because I'm still stuck on my soup please let me know how it turned out!

I think the biggest thing I learned from working with celery root is to not shy away from something just because it looks intimidating.  If you're willing to just jump in and try it you may discover a new favorite food.

Virgin Voyages: Beets

I had a particularly nasty encounter with pickled beets when I was a child.  Ever since then I have run from them as I would run from a doll that looks even remotely like that clown doll in Poltergeist.  Not that I encountered them often, beets that is.  Beets are a much ignored vegetable in today's cuisine.

One of the reasons why I signed up for a CSA was so I couldn't hide from vegetables I was biased against.  I tend to hold a grudge against veggies over one bad experience and I don't let go easily.  So signing up for a CSA was a way of forcing myself into immersion therapy. And I have to say, it's working.

The first time I saw beets on the chalkboard at my farm's stand my mind went blank.  I didn't know any recipes for beets and even in cookbooks I liked, I flipped by those pages.  What would I make?  What should I get to go with it?  I had no idea.

Once I got home the cookbook pile began.  I was frantically searching through every book I owned for a recipe and I came across one in Mark Bittman's Kitchen Express that sounded wonderfully easy.  It was a for a beet and goat cheese salad.  The only thing was, it's a lot of beets.  So if I ended up not liking them l the meal would be a bust.  I decided to take the chance.

The interesting thing about the recipe was that the beets are cooked in the microwave.  It was a busy week so I was all for the quickness, but was a little skeptical if the microwave was the best tool for bringing out the taste of the beets.  They ended up tasting good enough that I didn't mind when they showed up in my CSA the next time. But, after preparing them different ways since then, I don't think that's the best way to cook them although not bad in a time crunch.

I think the hardest thing about dealing with beets is peeling them.  Especially the red ones.  They stain, so you have to be careful and they can be slippery.  A dangerous combination indeed.  They are much easier to peel after they've been boiled or microwaved for a while and the skin comes off much easier then.

Since my first experience, my boyfriend has made beet pancakes (a variation of a vegetable pancake recipe in How To Cook Everything Vegetarian) that were delicious though incredibly messy.  I have also made a glazed beet recipe out of the Gourmet Today cookbook.  I think the Gourmet Today recipe is my favorite so far, but I have some beet chips in the oven so we'll see how they turn out!

If you've never eaten beets before, at least red beets, keep in mind that not everybody digests the dye so you may end up seeing it later on... if you know what I mean.  I don't mean to touch on gross topics in a food blog, but I figure some might appreciate the heads up.

While I might not be as big of a fan as Dwight from The Office, I am a beet convert.  Though I'm still afraid of those clown dolls, I no longer run the opposite direction from tasty beets.  I think next time I might attempt a borscht.  Let me know if you have a good recipe!

UPDATE: Just got a great tip via twitter from Jill Nussinow, @theveggiequeen.  She mentioned that if you cook beets in a pressure cooker (for 3-5 minutes) there is no need to peel them.  What a time saver!!

Virgin Voyages: Deglazing

I'm becoming quite secure with incorporating new ingredients into my cooking, but I'm still reticent to use new techniques. I suppose that's because I always have help with the new ingredients in the form of recipes but when it comes to techniques I'm sort of on my own.

Last Friday I was finally getting around to making the chicken and spinach I should have made two days before based on the state of the spinach.  I was dreading it because I knew it would be on the bland side and I hadn't yet thought of a way to liven the dish up. 

As I was washing and spinning the spinach dry in my salad spinner I considered using the deglazing technique I had read about to make a sauce for the chicken.  Even with the obvious solution to my problem staring me in the face, I hesitated.  Deglazing didn't seem hard but I was positive I would find a way to screw it up. 

Finally I found my backbone and decided to give it a shot.  After all there was no rule that I had to use the sauce if it didn't turn out and then I would just be left with my original bland meal.  Nothing lost.

I seared the chicken breasts in the pan, finished them off in the oven and then threw them in the toaster oven on low to keep them warm while I worked my magic.  My boyfriend had broken open the bottle of Riesling for me (we had already started 'sampling' the vino) and I poured some in.

As I worked the stuff off the bottom of the pan (more technically called a fond), I realized that I was scared over nothing.  What I ended up with was a fairly thin sauce, but I imagined it would be unless I added a thickening agent of some sort.  Though thin, it was definitely tasty and gave the chicken the flavor I was looking for.  Best of all, it only took a few minutes.

Here are a couple of sites that discuss deglazing a pan:

• ehow.com
• rouxbe.com (You may need to sign up for a free membership to access this, but it is an excellent instructional video).

Virgin Voyages: Gnocchi and Parsnips

After picking up my CSA share one weekend I was faced with a dilemma that has become all too familiar in this winter wonderland of squash and root vegetables, how to cook something my boyfriend hates so that he'll eat it.  I've pretty much given up on squash, partially because I can't get enough of the stuff so I'm perfectly find commandeering it, but I can't eat everything on my own! 

I have to admit, I kind of like this challenge because it forces me to be creative where I otherwise might allow myself to be a little more lazy.  This particular week's challenge was parsnips, and though I had never had them, I could tell just by the smell that these would not be well received.  You see, my boyfriend hates cooked carrots.  And these parsnips smelled overpoweringly like carrots.  What to do, what to do.

Earlier in the week I had already determined that I would attempt to make gnocchi.  I'd never had it, and had always wanted to try it.  I really wanted to make a butternut squash gnocchi that sounded delicious, but since I knew I'd be in BIG trouble if I kept all the gnocchi to myself, I had decided that the normal potato stuff would be a good start.

As I was looking up recipes to try, I , of course, found one in How to Cook Everything that looked pretty good.  I also noticed that one of the variations allowed for the use of parsnips.  I pondered this for a bit. It was risky.  He could detest it and I would end up sacrificing my Valentine's Day gift for the next couple of years, but he could consider it passable too and I would kill two birds with one stone.  I decided to go for it.

For all of those out there intimidated by the thought of making gnocchi, it's actually kinda fun.  It does take a little patience when you boil them because you boil just a little at a time, but rolling out the dough reminded me of playing with Play-Doh when I was a kid, and it was Play-Doh you could eat! 

Everything went smoothly while making the gnocchi.  I made sure my mise en place was in order before I started, followed the instructions of the recipe closely and all went well.  I did avoid putting the 'dents' in the gnocchi as I really didn't see it necessary, but other than that I followed the recipe to a 'T'.

When dinner was ready, I didn't try to sneak anything by my boyfriend, I told him up front about the parsnips and he sportingly agreed to eat the gnocchi anyways.  I'm not going to say he loved the gnocchi, but after a few bites he looked up and said, "I can't really even taste the parsnips".  I don't know if it was just the flour that disguised the flavor of the parsnips or if it was the arugula pesto I made to go with it (which was fabulous by the way, also from How To Cook Everything), but I was ecstatic with that muted response.

I personally thought the meal was delicious and highly recommend the recipe.  It's great for a Sunday night dinner as it does take some time to prepare. By giving yourself time, you'll also be able to indulge your inner child as you roll out the dough.

Virgin Voyages: Cinnamon Rolls

Ever since I started learning to cook I knew that one thing I wanted to perfect, for nostalgic reasons, was the cinnamon roll.  When I was little there was this place that had the best cinnamon rolls and they quickly became a favorite indulgence for the entire family.  After it closed down every once in a while a family member would comment at how they wished we could still go pick up some of those cream cheese frosted rolls of deliciousness.

When my mom and I started planning  the menu for Christmas, I realized that there would be no better time to make my first attempt at these cinnamon rolls.  I could get instant feedback from the family on how close they tasted and have help making them too.

There have been many cinnamon roll recipes floating around on Twitter in anticipation of the holidays, but the one from @TwoPeasAndPod caught my eye. Not only did those rolls look heavenly, but they were also a family tradition.

I chose wisely with this recipe.  I can't imagine another recipe holding up so well to my recipe abuse! My one recommendation for this recipe is to make sure you have a good amount of flour on hand.  I think when all was said and done I ended up using about 10 cups of flour and I still don't think it was enough.

One of the problems I had making these is that the dough kept sticking to my work surface, making it hard to roll up.  Part of that was due to cook error in how the surface was floured, but I think this might have also been a sign that I didn't use enough flour in the dough itself.  The dough had still stuck to the bowl a bit when I took it out to roll it out, and the recipe clearly states to knead the dough until it no longer sticks to the bowl.  I believe this would be my first count of recipe abuse.

After some ninja spatula work, I managed to get everything into a semi-rolled state.  From there I cut the log into sections to my rolls. Using a string to cut off the rolls is pure genius.  I'm not sure if most cinnamon roll recipes say to do this. If they don't, they should. It made this task very quick and simple!

Now here is where the second count of recipe abuse occurs.  The victim: cinnamon rolls.  The crime: pan overloading.  While we (I'm dragging my Mom into this one, I'm not going down alone!) didn't cram the  cinnamon rolls in as tightly as we could have, we didn't really leave a whole lot of room for growth.

The ramifications of this were twofold. Our cinnamon rolls could have ended up being much larger if we had given them some room to rise.  Also, we had to cook them a bit longer.  I blame this on pan overcrowding because our last pan did have a little room and it yielded bigger cinnamon rolls and its cooking time was much closer to the time listed in the recipe.

In the end everyone seemed to enjoy the cinnamon rolls despite my missteps along the way.  I used a cream cheese frosting (one in my Mom's old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook) instead of the icing associated with the recipe.  The only reason I did this was to get them as close as possible to the cinnamon rolls we loved when I was a kid.  That and cream cheese frosting is delicious.

As is, this recipe gets me very close to those nostalgic cinnamon rolls.  With a few improvements in my execution, it will be even closer yet.  Hopefully by next year I'll be even closer and a holiday tradition will be established.

Virgin Voyages: Edible Gifts

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas.  I love the thrill of figuring out what to get friends and family, getting together with friends and family to celebrate life in general, and especially the food!  While I love doing things with and for my friends and family I don't really do much outside that circle.  I'm not the type of person to give the mailman a gift card to Target, or initiate a gift exchange at work.  So this year when I announced to my boyfriend that I was going to bake cookies for the neighbors it was understandable that he looked at me as if my skin had turned orange and I had grown a bulbous third eye in the middle of my forehead.

Okay, I admit, the 'gift' of cookies was somewhat self-serving.  I wanted to bake a LOT of cookies, but I certainly didn't need to eat them all.  My first thought was to take them to work, but everyone there seems to have dietary restrictions and I didn't want to just throw temptation into their face.  Now, I wasn't sure if the neighbors had any dietary restrictions but I thought at least the surprise might be fun. So neighbors it was! Now what to make.

I have a few favorite holiday cookies of my own.  Every year my Mom makes what we call bon bon cookies that are so delicious.  It's basically a type of butter cookie dough wrapped around a maraschino cherry and dipped in colored frosting.  I've made these before, so the only new experience related to this cookie was that I was able to use my new Kitchen Aid mixer to mix the dough.  It's a really stiff dough, I normally just end up mixing the flour in by hand, but this year the mixer did all the work. For that alone, I would marry this piece of equipment.

Another one of my favorite cookies this time of year is Mexican Wedding Cake cookies.  I have eaten plenty of these in my lifetime but always figured that making them would be too hard.  I could not have been more wrong.  The recipe I used was from How to Cook Everything (I know you are all shocked) and the hardest part of the process was letting the dough chill in the refrigerator over night.  If you're a fan of this type of cookie, but have been afraid to make them as I was, go for it!!  You'll even get to make a mess in the powdered sugar, who can pass that up?

Though they are not my favorite type of cookie, I just couldn't resist making cut out cookies so that I could buy some nifty cookie cutters and have an excuse to make buttercream frosting for the first time (as if I needed an excuse!).  I used the recipes for refrigerator cookies and buttercream frosting from How To Cook Everything. 

As expected, the frosting was much better than the cookies, but I quickly realized I was never going to win any cookie decorating awards as I was frosting the cookies.  To compensate for my lack of artistic skill I just really slathered on the frosting in the hopes that the neighbors would be too caught up in a sugar high to notice that all the cookies pretty much looked the same no matter the cut shape underneath.

The final component to my holiday tin was that all-time favorite...fudge!  I found a very quick and easy recipe in the Gourmet Today cookbook (yes, I'm sure it wasn't in How To Cook Everything).  It took me about ten minutes to melt the chocolate and mix everything together and then all I had to do was pop it in the fridge for a few hours before cutting and placing in the tins.  It was a bittersweet fudge, which I loved so much I plan on making it again when I go home to Nebraska for Christmas.

I finally got everything made and packed away in tins about 9 o'clock one night and decided it was still safe to deliver (fortunately all of my neighbors are night owls like me!).  I had butterflies in my stomach as I passed out the tins and it was everything I could do to keep from barging into their apartments so I could get feedback on how everything was right then and there.  But I behaved and went back to my apartment, fingers crossed, hoping everyone liked everything.

Over the next couple of days I got all sorts of compliments!  I was so excited.  I mentioned to one neighbor that I was just learning to cook and he said, "Oh, so are you a sous chef?".  Now I'm not sure he knew exactly what a sous chef does, but it still made me smile from ear to ear that he automatically assumed I was learning to cook professionally.

I had a lot of fun with all parts of this project.  The best part was that I was able to eat all of my favorite holiday cookies without over-indulging.  I think I'll have to make this an annual tradition.

Bon Bon Cookie Recipe:

• ½ c Soft Butter
• ¾ c Sifted Powdered Sugar
• 1 ½ c Sifted Flour
• 1 T Vanilla
• ½ t Salt
• Food Coloring (if desired)

1. Preheat oven to 350˚.
2. Mix butter, sugar, vanilla and food coloring.
3. Blend in flour and salt with hand.
4. If dough is dry add 1 – 2 t cream.
5. Wrap one level teaspoon of dough around filling (the maraschino cherries in this case).
6. Bake 1” apart on ungreased baking sheet for 12 – 15 minutes or until set but not brown.
7. Cool. Dip tops in powdered sugar icing.

Instructions for Powdered Sugar Icing:

• Put about 1 cup of powdered sugar into a bowl.  Add about a 1/2 tsp of vanilla (or to taste) and desired food coloring.  Mix the vanilla and powdered sugar together to get a feel for consistency.  Add milk a little at a time until the frosting is a texture that can be dipped into but will not drip too much off the cookie. If your frosting is too think just add more powdered sugar until the frosting thickens.

Virgin Voyages: Swiss Chard

I nearly groaned the week that I went to the farmer's market and saw chard on the board as a mandatory item for my micro share.  My boyfriend had told me that one of things he would never want me to get from the farmer's market was swiss chard and relayed a horrifying experience of being forced to eat dirt encrusted chard as a kid.  Apparently his mother grew it in the garden and could never seem to quite get the curly and wrinkly leaves completely clean. 

So I tried to pick the least dirty chard I could find and placed it in my bag already running through the  recipe index in my head for any chard recipes I had stumbled across.  I couldn't remember any off hand, but knew that How to Cook Everything (really, I swear I'm not affiliated with Mark Bittman in any way, but the man can put out a cookbook) had pretty detailed instructions on how to prep shard so I tried my best to buck up my confidence for the frown of disapproval I knew was inevitable when I got home.

My boyfriend was far more supportive than I gave him credit for and though he said he probably wouldn't try it if I just cooked the chard on its own, he would give it a shot if I put it in a casserole type dish.  Luckily for me, Mr. Bittman had just the thing for me.  A couscous, ground lamb (though I substituted ground beef) and swiss chard casserole.  A tomato sauce binds everything together into a delicious dish that I couldn't get enough of.

But to get to this amazing dish, I had to learn how to prepare the chard.  I used my salad spinner to rinse the chard thoroughly.  I was painstakingly meticulous with this part and can testify that there was not an ounce of dirt on that chard when I was through with it.  I love the salad spinner because it's easy to see if there is still dirt coming off the leaves as you dry them. If you cook a lot of greens and buy from the farmer's market I highly recommend one. The bigger, the better.

I learned from How to Cook Everything that it is very important to separate the chard leaf from the tougher stem.  Because the stem is so much thicker than the leaf it takes a lot longer to cook than the leaf (which cooks quickly, as you might imagine).  By separating the two you can cook the stem first and then add the leaf once the stem starts to soften.  This may seem intuitive to those used to working with greens, but I have to be honest and say that, without this book, I would have learned this lesson the hard way.

I cooked the chard this way and then added it to the casserole mix.  I knew that after some additional time in the oven there was no way this leaf was going to be too chewy and the recipe didn't disappoint.  The chard was wonderful.  Even my boyfriend agreed that this recipe was quite good which kept me smiling even as I did the dishes.  Which is saying something since doing the dishes is my second most hated cooking related task, it's just a tiny bit better than going to the grocery store.

Virgin Voyages: Spinach Lasagna

On Sunday I made my first lasagna.  Well, my first lasagna of the non-frozen variety (thank you Stouffer's).  Not only was this my first lasagna but this was the first recipe where no measuring instruments were used.  I was feeling very Iron Chef.

I can only say I cooked without measuring and not completely without a recipe since it was my boyfriend's lasagna I was making. His usual method of making this dish is a 'a little of this' and 'a little of that'.  So I while I asked him what he usually put in it , I sort of tasted my way through the measurements.

Overall it worked out pretty well.  I was a little short on spinach since I used fresh (he usually gets frozen) and what I got in the CSA share this week was only enough for one layer.  But I think the quality made up for quantity.

Another first for this recipe was this was the first time I allowed my boyfriend into the kitchen with me.  I have to admit, I can be a very poor student sometimes, especially in those moments where I'm feeling completely lost in the kitchen.  So when I receive instruction on something that makes me feel like an idiot in an already stressed situation, I don't always respond well.

My boyfriend recognizes this trait in me and he simply allows me to figure things out on my own, which I know can be very difficult for him at times when he may know a better way of doing things.  I have always appreciated this understanding from him, but I felt I had finally gained enough confidence in the kitchen to allow him into my war zone for some one on one instruction.

I behaved pretty well.  I only pouted once when I got the tomato sauce taken away from me because I was spooning it on instead of dumping then spreading with the spoon.  In his defense, my way was taking forever, but I was having fun making everything even and perfect (I swear I'm not Type A!).  Other than one minor incident that we worked quite well together.

My final first with this dish (this truly is a virgin voyage!!) is that I'm going to share my very first recipe with you!!  Granted it is mostly my boyfriend's and the measurements may not be exactly accurate since I challenged myself NOT to measure during this but it won't be on anything important.  Just seasoning which can be very subjective anyways. So make sure you taste before you layer everything together.

Recipe Edit 11/22/2009: I realized last night that I forgot to put the most important ingredient into this recipe - garlic!!  How can you have a delicious lasagna without garlic?!  It has been added, but I apologize to anyone who copied the recipe prior to this edit.

Spinach Lasagna

I package whole wheat lasagna noodles

26 oz seasoned tomato or spaghetti sauce

16 oz ricotta cheese

16 oz shredded mozzarella cheese

1 cup grated parmesan cheese

2 shallots, diced

4 cloves minced garlic

1 lb fresh spinach (can use 2 lbs if you want to add to both layers, shallots will need to be increased to 4)

1 egg

1 T italian seasoning

1 t salt

Instructions:

Preheat your oven to 350.

Saute the shallots in a little olive oil until they just start to soften.  Add the spinach and 2 gloves of the garlic to the saute pan until the Spinach wilts.  Remove pan from heat and set aside.

Cook lasagna noodles according to package instructions.  Drain the noodles and run cold water over them so that they can be more easily handled during the layering process.

Mix together the ricotta, egg, 1/2 cup of the parmesan cheese, salt, the remaining 2 cloves of garlic and italian seasoning in a small mixing bowl.  This can be done while the noodles are cooking.

Add a bit of tomato sauce to the bottom of a 9x13 pan so that the lasagna noodles will not stick on the bottom.

Add your first layer of noodles. You may have to lay a noodle crosswise on one end since the noodles won't quite fit to the end of the pan.  It will be a bit too long this way but you can simply fold one end under until the noodle fits. On the next layer alternate which side the crosswise noodle is on.

Add a layer of the ricotta mixture (you'll use half of the mixture per layer).  Top with a third of the remaining tomato sauce and a third of the mozzarella.

Add a second layer of noodles.  Top with the rest of the ricotta mixture, the spinach and shallots and 1/2 of the remaining tomato sauce and 1/2 of the remaining mozzarella.

Add your final layer of noodles.  Top with the rest of the tomato sauce and 1/2 cup of grated parmesan.  Top the pan with foil and back for about 35 minutes or until the tomato sauce is a but bubbly. 

Remove the foil and top with the rest of the mozzarella cheese.  Put under the broiler for a couple of minutes until cheese is melted and a bit brown.

Virgin Voyages: Evaporated Cane Juice

Back in the ancient days, before I started blogging (a little more than two months ago, which I am now referring to as BCVE -- Before Cooking Virgin Era) I found myself on a quest to find evaporated cane juice.  I wanted to make these delicious sounding sugar cookies from Canyon Ranch's recipe site.

Now when I saw the word juice I immediately thought liquid.  The word evaporated made me think thick liquid.  Do not fall into this trap.  It is a trick meant to send you looking at everything but evaporated cane juice in the sweetener aisle, and it is very effective.  At least it was with me.

I spent two weeks looking for this elusive ingredient.  Now I probably could have saved myself some time by simply asking a clerk at the natural foods store to begin with, but I just knew that if I did that I would end up on some sort of Candid Camera show of the natural foods world and everyone would then be able to laugh at my sweetener ignorance.  Not that I'm paranoid.

Finally, on my third trip back to the natural foods store looking for evaporated cane juice, I broke down and asked the cute clerk where I could find evaporated cane juice.  Much to my surprise he got a blank look at first (which did not lower his cuteness level at all I must say) and tapped his chin in thought.  Suddenly he said, "OH! That's just sugar," and promply led me back to the sweetener aisle where I had just spent the last 20 minutes staring at labels with a befuddled look on my face.  He then picked up a bag of sugar crystals (which are not liquid), checked the back and handed them to me.

He then explained to me that the only difference between evaporated cane juice and other sugars was the way it was processed.  To make sure it was evaporated cane juice he checked the ingredient list to make sure it didn't say something other than... well... evaporated cane juice.  He then laughed a little and apologized for not remembering what it was sooner.  I think I may love him for that, don't tell my boyfriend.